99078

Joke of the Day

"Don't walk around the city at night with a lot of bread in your pocket. You might get rolled."

"""I can't believe after all this shit that they're still together..."" ""Who?"" Said a curious bastard. ""My buttcheeks."""

"At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, ""Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"""

"How to enjoy babies: 1 Hold them 2 Kiss them 3 Hand them back to their mom 4 Go have drinks with grown ups 5 Laugh about not having a baby"

"I just invented a new word. 'Plagiarism'"

"How long does guacamole last in the fridge? Please say a year."

"What college did the eyeball go to? ICU."

"I really like ceilings,.. I guess you could call me a ceiling fan."

"If you have a bee in your hand what do you have in your eye? Beauty. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder."

"I once dated a woman who thought windmills were solar powered. I'm so glad I don't drink anymore."