211981

Joke of the Day

"At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, ""Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"""

"What's the difference between a penis and a Christmas present? You wrap the present *after* you put it in the box."

"It's polite to stand when a lady comes to the table. I take it a step further and leave the restaurant entirely."

"I hate when people ask me where I see myself in 3 years. I'm blind"

"The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live."

"Why can't Californians stop at stop signs? I don't know and this is not a laughing matter."

"What sort of animals make the best TV presenters ? Gnus - readers !"

"The best-laid plans of mice and men often go awry. Even the worst-laid plans of Chuck Norris come off without a hitch."

"What do you call a dog from another planet? A dal-martian"

"What do you call a hot Filipino? A Filipino."