211981

Joke of the Day

"At grandma's. Which means this morning I woke up at 8:45am and was still greeted with, ""Look who's finally up. We thought you were dead!"""

"Jim McGuinn and David Crosby found dead in apparent Double Homicide, one Keith Richards suspected. It seems two Byrds were killed by one Stone."

"Keep your friends close and your enemies tied to a train track."

"Have you heard the joke about the bed? No. It hasn't been made up yet!"

"LPT: Take your garbage can to the supermarket with you so you can see which items you've recently ran out of."

"My coworker was like ""I love kids! Can't finish a whole one by myself though hahaha!"" And I was just like wow I could easily eat like 5."

"What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually search for a golf ball."

"I don't get sports lingo. It's always offsides this, penalty that, murder this, sexual assault that."

"Donald Trump has been saying he will run for president as a Republican. Which is surprising, since I just assumed he was running as a joke."

"Are you a haunted house? Because every time I come inside you I shit myself."