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Joke of the Day

"How my girlfriend stay's thin. Wanna know how my girlfriend stays thin? She burns most of her calories jumping to conclusions."

"I can't handle the pressure of competitions. Even in eating races I choke!"

"What Do Bernie Sander Supporters Call Their Parents? Roommates"

"Moratorium on the word ""Awkward."" We're all awkward. We fart when we don't want to and that guy/gal over there is cooler. Get over it."

"I don't know which child you think I don't treat correctly... Jake, Thomas or the fat ugly one?"

"My wedding vows said ""till death do us part."" My wife died, so I was a free man. Then she came back and bit me."

"In an interview Barbara Walters asks OJ Simpson if he thinks he will ever be married again... He says, ""I don't know... One of these days, I might take another stab at it."""

"If these walls could talk I bet it would be gibberish cause these walls are plastered."

"If three men are arguing about whether to be known as Jews, Israelis, or Hebrews... ...would you say they're just arguing Semitics?"

"What does a woman's arsehole do when she is having great intercourse? He is at home taking care of the kids."