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Joke of the Day

"So hypothetically speaking, what do you think is the scariest mask they would let me wear in line at the bank?"

"Me: ""Dude, I brought another dress for you to clean."" Dry cleaner: *takes off headphone* ""Sorry, come again?"" Me: ""No, mustard."""

"I wish crappy people weren't allowed to like my favorite band."

"My SO always wanted a Disney wedding... But aparently selling our memories of it to a demon was out of the question."

"[first day on the job as a drug dealer] *giggles* ""We don't have coke, is Pepsi ok?"" *gets stabbed*"

"Another joke from my daughter Her: Why did Sally fall off the swing? Me: Why? Her: Because she had no arms. Me: ??? Her: Knock knock. Me: Who's there? Her: Not Sally!"

"B*tch your so ugly that even the mirror showed a 404 error."

"Two greek anarchists are sitting together making molotov cocktails. One says ""so, who are we going to throw these at?"" the other replies: ""what are you, a fucking intellectual?"""

"What is it called when you ride around on a horse asking people questions? A gallop poll."

"Why can't Indiana Jones find a long lasting relationship? Bad dates."