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Joke of the Day

"I broke up with my boyfriend. He was such a jerk. What a goat! -Don't you mean pig? No. He tried to eat my couch!"

"What quality was the wine that Jesus made ? Bloody good."

"Q: What do you call a cat when he first wakes up with the alarm clock? - A: Catsup!"

"My 3 year old reported seeing a spider-cricket and I couldn't find it so we're outside watching the house burn."

"I've always wanted to be the best dead person ever But the competition is stiff."

"If I ever go missing,,, I hope they put my photo on bottles of OCD medication, cuz you know those people won't stop looking."

"My name is Steven But the bank calls me Owen. Owen Lotts."

"Viagra now comes in a nasal spray. It's for dick heads."

"I'm here to make a donation. Nun: Blessings, the orphans could use... *Shoving my kid at her- A brother? I'd like a receipt. For my taxes."

"At bedtime I read my daughter a few of my favorite RTs, tuck her in & whisper, ""This is why we don't talk to strangers on the internet."""