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Joke of the Day

"My 3 year old reported seeing a spider-cricket and I couldn't find it so we're outside watching the house burn."

"At my funeral I want a dozen doves recaptured."

"How do you stop a 200 pound hamster from charging? Take away it's credit cards."

"I'm so thankful for my kids.If it weren't for them I'd never know what a cool sound my vacuum cleaner makes when it sucks up Rice Crispies."

"I think the bigger issue with our country is that Paula Deen even had that many endorsements to lose in the 1st place."

"Hey Texas, in Florida it's legal to abort other people's kids up to 17 years."

"I'd hate to be stuck behind Satan in the post office... ...for the accursed one takes many forms."

"Nothing like riding a motorcycle without a helmet. The wind blowing through your hair... the warm pavement on your face..."

"You should never be sad. Because sad backwards is das.. ..and das not good."

"A couple had a fight one night, Going to bed husband said, Good night mother of my three kids, Wife said, Good night father of none."