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Joke of the Day

"NORAD tracking Santa? Really? That's what my tax dollars are going to? You're tracking a fictitious fat dude?"

"I heard a joke on Reddit the other day.. well, I guess I didn't really hear it, more like Reddit."

"LPT: If you're in public and you need to fart Don't hold it in, because it'll go to your brain and that's where shitty ideas come from."

"Don't be irreplaceable - if you cannot be replaced, you cannot be promoted."

"[Walks up to stranger] Me: ""Excuse me, would you take my picture?"" Him: ""Sure."" Me: ""Great!"" [I hand him a beautiful 5x7 portrait of me]"

"What is the difference between a hooker and an onion? I don't cry when I chop the hooker up."

"Why was everyone scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered six offender"

"Knock Knock Who's there CD CD who? C DEEZ NUTS *ha* ^^*Got* ^^^*em*"

"What's the difference between a lawyer and a prostitute? One you pay $500 an hour to screw you. The other one has sex for money."

"Why were the early days of history called the dark ages? There were so many Knights"