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Joke of the Day

"Have you ever stopped and thought about why the republican party of America has a donkey as a symbol? After yesterday we all know why now."

"A girl asked me if I was into anal sex... I said I've never tried it, but I figure it'd be fucking shit."

"Finally getting around to shaving my legs, blow drying them kept taking to long."

"Magician: ""Think of a number."" Me: ""Okay."" Magician: ""Are you thinking of a number?"" Me: ""Yes."" *the crowd goes wild with applause*"

"My identity was stolen. I hope they do a better job with my life than I did!"

"This year I'm the Invisible Man for Halloween, according to this bartender that apparently hasn't seen me standing here for an hour"

"remember when u found out the french word for seal was phoque and u were like this is the best day of my phoquing life"

"Drugs and alcohol aren't the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night?"

"I made a car entirely out of pencils, rubbers, rulers and notebooks. Went to turn the key.. Stayed stationary."

"Gotta be tough for the guy somewhere who has to say ""yeah, she left me for Charles Manson."""