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Joke of the Day

"Drugs and alcohol aren't the answer. Unless the question is why did you shit on the sidewalk last night?"

"Q: How did the artist paint a picture? A: Easel-y."

"What's balck on the bottom and white on the top? Society"

"*wife gives me a big hug before I leave for work* I love you too, babe! [later] Where's my credit card? Son of a.."

"[Bar] me: Gimme one more wife: I think you've had enough m: Last one w: Fine m: *asks waitress for another kids menu so I can do the maze*"

"The human brain is a wonderful thing. It starts working the moment you are born, and never stops until you stand up to speak in public."

"My hobbies include working out, staying fit, eating healthy, and lying."

"i like how at this walmart they put baby food products in the checkout lane. like oops thats right i have a baby to feed"

"I tried being selfless. It's not for me."

"My favorite form of lying to myself is choosing a deodorant scent that contains the words 'active' or 'sport' in it's name."