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Joke of the Day

"Watching seals have sex has got to be the most disturbing thing I've watched today over and over."

"He asked why I put my stick figures on my dash, not the bumper. I had to explain that it was an actual photo of my relatives."

"I'm pretty sure all of the 7 dwarfs were named after a stage of Snow Whites' heroin addiction."

"The Physics Department didn't like my Stephen Hawking jokes... ...They all got bent out of shape."

"What do you call a black man who flies a plane? A pilot, you assholes."

"My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard and they're like ""hey thanks"" and I'm like ""I'm just happy to be a part of this nice community"""

"Q: How many IBM CPUs does it take to perform a logical right shift? A: 32. One to hold the bits and 31 to push the register."

"What's the opposite of Christopher Reeves? Christopher Walken. (Not sure if it's a repost, but I don't think I've seen it posted here.)"

"wife: You're home early me [hugging the dog] I had to see you"

"I wanna go to Africa to see where rappers come from."