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Joke of the Day

"HR: Does anyone know what FMLA stands for? Me: Fire My Lazy Ass? HR: ... Me: I was gonna guess Lesbian Ass but thought that's inappropriate."

"Knock Knock Who's there ! Bette-lou ! Bette-lou who ? Bette-lou a few pounds !"

"Pickup Line! on a scale of 1 to 10, you are a 9 and I'm the 1 you need."

"My car lease is up and I have to return it back to the dealer today, so I'm practicing jumping out of a moving car."

"THERAPIST: Your notes say that you ""scare easily"" and are ""quite disagreeable"". ME: *from behind the couch* That's not true."

"Chuck Norris has already been to Mars; that's why there are no signs of life there."

"Martha's Vineyard joke: why do seagulls fly to the dump to beat the Portuguese"

"Speaking of dogs... There's a dog with no hind legs, and bollocks made of steel. So, this dog is coming down the street. Do you know what is the name of the dog? . . . . Sparky!"

"i got locked in the PBR factory over the weekend... i did what i had to do to survive and drank my own piss"

"There are 2 types of people in this world: Those who pee in the shower... And stinkin' LIARS!"