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Joke of the Day

"Where did Napoleon keep his armies? In his sleevies."

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"The FDA has announced a ban of all pre-shredded cheeses They want to make America grate again."
"Why is Ireland the richest country in the world? Because the capital is always Dublin."
"Someone just named a commercial service ""KGB""? I would've gone with ""Abu Ghraib""."
"He insulted my sister, and I let it slide. He insulted my mother, and I let it slide. Then...he insulted my tweets."
"A woman just asked me what 'mansplaining' is. I think it's a trap. We've been staring at each other in silence for nearly an hour now."
"I like to stop drinking somewhere between ""watch this"" and ""ohhhhhh shit""."
"Why did Mrs. Grape leave Mr. Grape? She was tired of raisin kids."
"I let a Jehovahs Witness in my home, I sat him down and said, 'what do you have to tell me?' he said, 'I don't know, never made it this far'"
"The oddly pleasant feeling of looking down on a physicist while he chugs the last of his beer... The strange charm of a top down bottom's up"