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Joke of the Day

"My boss bought a breathalyzer for our office because everyone comes back from lunch drunk. My personal best is .16"

"So an elf walked into a bar... The hobbit laughed and walked under it."

"you think there'd be a word for 'sleeping bag' that isn't a placeholder description of what it is"

"What do you call a sick eagle that just flew in from out of the country? an ill-eagle immigrant"

"If a giraffe had a sore throat, how many lozenges would it need to make it better?"

"Me: oh hi! Did you come over because I'm sad? How do you always know when I need you? Cat: get me my damn jingle mouse. Me: I love you too"

"Everything you do you're gonna regret. But if you do nothing you will not only regret but will also suffer."

"Q: What do you call a credit union volunteer in a room full of bank directors? A: A superior being."

"What do Pink Floyd and princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall."

"I liked the movie Taken better the first time I saw it when it was called Finding Nemo."