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Joke of the Day

"The worst thing about being single is wondering if I'll ever have kids. Like, what if I just keep making money & having fun forever? Scary!"

"ME: *staring into my lover's eyes in the midst of a warm embrace* HER: What are you thinking? ME: *caressing her cheek* I forgot your name."

"Before Google, there was memory."

"Why are gay people always confused? It's because they are not thinking straight."

"*Leaves home for the day... *Fears I left something behind *Runs inside to see baby playing with my phone. *Grabs phone & leaves."

"Why did Jose push his wife off the cliff? Tequila..."

"[1st day in hell] Devil: Your damnation will be that you are a shoe model for all eternity. Me: That's it? D: *hands me orange Crocs*"

"Niantic's customer support minor text fixes Edit: The title **is** the joke."

"What do you say when you kill five black people with one grenade? (Offensive) Triple kill!"

"*wife puts down dinner plate* *single pea rolls off plate* Me: oh no we have an esca-pea Wife: Me: I don't care I think it's still funny"