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Joke of the Day

"*Leaves home for the day... *Fears I left something behind *Runs inside to see baby playing with my phone. *Grabs phone & leaves."

"Groaner Running out of sausage is a busy pizza maker's wurst nightmare."

"How many Romans does it take to screw in a light bulb? V."

"What is the difference between an egg and a redditor? Eggs get laid at least once."

"twitter: the only place where you get excited when a stranger follows you"

"Her: I have Netflix if you wanna come watch a movie :) Me: No it's ok, I have my own account [60 years later on deathbed] Me: Wait a minute"

"I wish Laffy Taffy made a more modestly wrapped version for funerals and other occasions where laffing isn't appropriate."

"A friend of mine got crushed by falling books. He only has his shelf to blame."

"Sometimes my dog looks super fucking delicious. #AsianPeopleProblems"

"Another blonde joke A professor told his class: ""Fame will come to you only after you succeed!"" A blonde asked, ""Who is 'Seed'?"""