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Joke of the Day

"I've been all over the web looking for a combination fly swatter/back scratcher. I'm tired of lugging both around all day."

"Why is there no such thing as an epileptic exhibitionist? Because flashing gives them seizures."

"Why did the atheist go to church? To use the Pokestop."

"When my mom asked me to sponsor her Run for The Cure, I was surprised. I'd thought The Cure had done quite well for themselves."

"YOU ASKED IF YOU COULD PET HER, NOT IF SHE BITES, MEGAN."

"What did one plate say to the other plate? Dinners on me!"

"Brad Pitt and I had a handsome contest and the loser had to adopt a bunch of kids."

"So I'm gay and single .... Does that make me homolone?"

"How do you catch a bear? 1. Dig a big hole 2. Fill the hole with ash 3. Place peas all around the hole 4. Finally, when the bear stops to take a pea you kick it in the ash-hole"

"I don't think I should get a brain transplant... But in the end I changed my mind."