98114

Joke of the Day

"Accordion to research, 9 out of 10 people don't notice when you replace words with random musical instruments."

"Science creates airplanes and skyscrapers, Faith brings them together"

"(Translated from my mother tongue) What does a man do when he wants to end a marriage passively? He tries finding the expiration date on the marriage cirtifficate"

"Teacher: Johnny, use the words 'defeat"", ""deduct"" and ""detail"" in a sentence. Johnny: Yes ma'am. ""Defeat of deduct went over defense before detail."""

"How does Hitler give directions? He says ""take the Third Reich""."

"Me: Ohhh, MARITAL arts workshop...now I really feel stupid in this karate outfit. Wife to therapist: Do you see what I'm dealing with here?"

"What do africans wear on their heads? Ebowla hats"

"I used to think that revenge was a dish best served cold But then I learned that it's an expression meaning to get back at somebody. Courtesy of Norm MacDonald"

"A vaping hipster aetheist vegan crossfitter walks into a bar just kidding people like that dont exist but I imagine they do so I have someone to hate other than myself haha."

"Your love is like Vicodin. You take away my pain but make me sick to stomach afterwards and you're also white."