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Joke of the Day

"(Translated from my mother tongue) What does a man do when he wants to end a marriage passively? He tries finding the expiration date on the marriage cirtifficate"

"in these hard times, it's crucial to stay as positive as Charlie Sheen"

"*opens briefcase and presentation about 9/11 conspiracies falls out* But that means [cut to my son giving presentation about cool dinosaurs]"

"How many babies does it take to paint a wall? Depends how hard you throw them"

"My friend had asked me for tips that may help his erectile dysfunction Apparently, a hotter wife wasn't a good answer."

"He said the spark between us was gone. So I tasered him. I'll ask him again when he wakes up"

"My wife asked me ""will you marry someone else if I die?"". "" Of course not "", I said. ""I'm not doing the same mistake twice"""

"Why were the pirates on the ship fighting? They needed better anchor management."

"What's the difference between jam and jelly? You can't jelly your dick down a whore's throat."

"What's the handicapped parking situation at the special Olympics?"