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Joke of the Day

"squirrel making love A squirrel was making love with a nut. another one passing by is shocked: are you fucking crazy? the first one: no stupid, I'm fucking nuts."

"[backstage at a concert] hey guys you mind signing this? [next day at car dealership] rascal flatts is your cosigner?"

"I was asked to babysit once but it didn't go very well. You're not meant to sit on them."

"WHAT OTHER ILLNESSES DO I HAVE?! I told my doctor I think I'm a hypochondriac. As usual, the medicine he gave me isn't working."

"Stranger: Sir your fly is down... Me: Oh geez! Thanks. *Bends down and picks up fly* Me: He's had some wing issues lately"

"What are swearing outdoor grills powered with? Profane tanks."

"What's blue and fucks old people? Me in my lucky blue coat."

"(At the dentist) 'Your grinding isn't good.' Excuse me! I've never had a man complain before."

"I bought my mom a fridge for her birthday present You should have seen her face light up when she opened it!"

"A joke about mods [deleted]"