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Joke of the Day

"What did the egg say to the pot of boiling water? Don't expect me to get hard in 3 minutes, I just got laid this morning."

"Find a way to dress up as ""accidentally liking someone's Facebook picture from 2 years ago"" and really scare people this Halloween."

"I take my coffee how I take my women... ground up and in the freezer."

"Did you hear about the lesbian with no arms? She couldn't hold her licker."

"Q: What's the slowest thing in the world? A: A Mexican funeral with only two sets of jumper cables."

"I see. You're the ""don't pigeonhole me"" type. Got it."

"A guy told me this one in class today.... What do you call 2 White Russians and a Jager bomb? A Boston Marathon."

"I need a full wifi description before I can even consider coming to your home"

"If someone doesn't stand up to let you pass them in movie theater seats, it's totally cool and legal to fart in their face as you walk by."

"Life hack: ask telemarketers and phone scammers to go steady seconds into the conversation and never be bothered again OR now you found love"