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Joke of the Day

"I had to tell my toddler not to step on the baby. Four times. All my grandchildren from her will be cats."

"If I agreed with you we'd both be wrong."

"Drinking light beer is like having sex in a canoe.. Fucking close to fresh water"

"If a movie is ever titled Reception, we know it won't be starring AT&T.; Am I right? Up top!"

"How did the hairdresser escape? John Frieda."

"A chicken lays a man on the floor Which came first?"

"That awkward moment when you realize that the nursery rhyme never said that Humpty Dumpty was an egg..."

"I hate when I lose an argument and then seventeen years later I think up a witty come back."

"A boy bought some Tesco burgers from the canteen, The dinnerlady asked what he wanted on them. The boy replied: ""I'll have 5 each way!"""

"Why did the fox cross the road? Cause there was a billion fucking chickens on the other side."