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Joke of the Day

"Assuming makes an ass out of u and Ming, the thai food delivery boy who you assumed was from Thailand but is actually Chinese."

"If I'm extra friendly and super sweet when I see you again, it's cause I've forgotten your name"

"When one door closes... An incognito window opens."

"Speed dating has nothing to do with drugs. I know that now."

"A Rabbi and a Catholic Priest... are sitting on a park bench when a kid walks by. The Catholic Priest says, ""We should screw him!"" and the Rabbi says, ""Out of what?"""

"I like my women like I like my memes... Dank"

"The rules of weed do not work for pussy.. If you can smell it across the room, it's not the good shit."

"News, just in: Truck Stolen! A lorry containing 150 pallets of Viagra was stolen last night. Police are searching the country for a gang of hardened criminals."

"I am man. Hear me ask my wife for permission to roar."

"Prayer: Don't give God instructions -- just report for duty!"