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Joke of the Day

"Speed dating has nothing to do with drugs. I know that now."

"The Nintendo DS' cheaper version was the DS Lite. A cheaper Nintendo Switch would be The Nintendo Lite-Switch"

"We save women and children first because the dads have to make sure all the lights are off and the thermostat is set appropriately."

"I'm only listening outside the bathroom door to make sure you're not touching the decorative hand towels."

"SARCASM: Giving me the exclusive power to humiliate idiots without them knowing it."

"What does Kevin 11 have that Peter Parker doesn't? A living Ben and Gwen."

"Studies have shown that smokers are 97% more likely than non-smokers... to walk out on their families."

"Today I fucked up... by being a power bottom"

"What do you get... What do you get when you try to inject Human DNA into a goat? Banned from the petting zoo, apparently."

"My therapist says I have a preoccupation with vengeance.... We'll see about that"