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Joke of the Day

"Subway Jared ended his career just like how he started it... ...by trying to get into smaller pants"

"Baby you are like a white dwarf star.... Extremely hot but not very bright"

"You know it's time to quit smoking when you laugh at a tweet and you sound like Muttley."

"I asked my dog why the cat hated him... He said, ""Woof."" I was like, ""Wow, that's ruff."""

"The human body can survive 28 days without food, but only 11 minutes without Internet."

"What did the papa ghost say to the baby ghost. Fasten your sheet belt."

"I get carried away sometimes. Because I refuse to leave."

"My love for you is like a candle. If you forget about me, I will burn your fucking house down"

"I got offered a job at a kaleidoscope company. I'm looking into it."

"Neighbor asked me over for coffee and said 'make yourself comfortable', so I did, I went home."