97769

Joke of the Day

"Girl you remind me of a... (insert insult here)"

"DON'T ARGUE WITH ME I READ THE HEADLINE OF AN ARTICLE I KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING ABOUT"

"If Trump becomes president, it won't be called the White House anymore He'll rename it the Exclusively White House"

"What do they call an affair with a psychiatrist? A psychiatric tryst."

"A Physics student is standing on the roof of a building preparing to leap to his death.... His professor calls out to him, ""Stop! You have so much potential!"""

"A man waiting for a heart transplant... ... says ""I only want the heart of a dead lawyer."" ""Why?"" asks the doctor. ""I want one that's never been used."""

"I now feel I've watched enough reruns of The Shawshank Redemption on basic cable that I'll be able to successfully make it in prison."

"Saw an accident on the highway today that made me feel like a short-sighted man in a strip club... I couldn't see much but there was definitely a semi involved."

"I love self deprecating humour. Shame I'm no good at it."

"Why does Donald Trump tweet stuff at 3am? Because it's almost afternoon in Russia at that time."