97566

Joke of the Day

"*everybody gasps as I drop the baby* Oh no was it expensive?"

"I hate those people who knock on your door... And tell you that you need to be saved or you'll burn... Stupid firemen."

"Nothing says ""I'm single"" like a string cheese wrapper in the bathroom trash can."

"Sometimes i get scared robots are going to take over. Then i use a motion-controlled sink."

"Why should you never race with a guy from Finland? Because they're already Finnish before the race even began"

"Jesus wasn't angry at the soldiers who crucifixed him He was just crossed."

"A man was pulled over for speeding... The officer says: Where is the fire at? The man replies: it's back there, I'm just going to get the water! (This is a true story, my uncle really said this)"

"How many Apple workers does it take to screw in a lightbulb? One to over hype the new lightbulb and one to make sure it breaks within a year."

"Billy's parents called the school on the afternoon he completed his make up test, they wanted to know why he was wearing lipstick and mascara."

"Let's say weed does make me dumber. Then you should be thanking me for levelling the playing field."