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Joke of the Day

"Billy's parents called the school on the afternoon he completed his make up test, they wanted to know why he was wearing lipstick and mascara."

"Taught a parrot to repeatedly say ""WHERE ARE YOUR GLOVES?"" and now I don't have to talk to my kids until Spring so that's pretty cool."

"I like telling people to ""grow up"" because even if they hate me I can visit them ten years later and say ""Took my advice I see"""

"Life is a dick... It looks short, but it becomes longer when it gets hard."

"So my dad dropped this on my mom this morning Mom - ""You know the neighbor always kisses his wife every morning before work. Why don't you do the same?"" Dad - ""How can I? I barely know her!"""

"You think God hates crosses? If my kid died on a roller coaster, then everyone started wearing roller coaster necklaces, I'd be pissed."

"My stepmom fell into a wishing well I was amazed- I never thought they worked"

"Susan broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine."

"Paddy and Murphy find a mirror. Paddy picks it up, has a look and says to Murphy "" that bloke looks really familiar "". Murphy grabs it off him "" Its me you idiot """

"I grew up for this?"