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Joke of the Day

"My therapist told me the reason I have a lower sex life than I want Is because I misinterpret what people are telling me. I'm pretty sure she wants my dick."

"It's hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs... ...because they always take things literally."

"I've drawn a cartoon picture of Mohamed and signed it Kim Jong-un. Let's see where this goes."

"I always get my pizza cut into 4 slices. You'd have to be a fat ass to eat 8 slices."

"I went to a zoo yesterday that just had one dog in it. It was a shih tzu."

"Please may I have a new bum? Mines got a crack in it"

"Me: Gonna go see Gym. Friend: You mean go to the gym? Me: No, Gym is Geoff's brother."

"What was Will Hunting's backup plan if that guy said he didn't particularly care for apples?"

"Your license plate should be your phone number... So when you drive like a dickhead, I can let you know about it."

"""Interesting story. I will now find a way to relate your story to something in my life so I can start talking about me again"" - Los Angeles"