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Joke of the Day

"I can count the number of times I've been to Chernobyl on one hand It's seven"

"I used to supply filofaxes to the mafia I was involved in very organised crime"

"Fun with wife A man has fun with his wife......."

"They say I have cancer and Alzheimers... But at least I don't have cancer!"

"An art museum robber is caught when he tries to get away.... A reporter asks him what went wrong with the robbery. He answers "" I didn't have the Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

"Excuse me, miss, you've got a little bit of face on your makeup there."

"Tried pushing her against the wall to kiss her like all you guys suggested. Put her head right through the drywall. Goddam cheap motels."

"Got a case for my iPhone even though the screen is already cracked. So basically it's like putting a condom on my kid's head."

"Two Yogurts walk into a bar... The bartender says ""hey! What do you think you're doing?! You can't be in here!"" The yogurts respond, ""why? We're two cultured individuals."""

"If you steal my identity and get a credit card I'll be impressed. Not because you stole my identity, but because you got approved. Kudos!"