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Joke of the Day

"I've always wanted to know how long ""forever"" was... and by looking at some people's relationships, it's around 2 to 4 weeks."

"Start reading to your kids as early as possible. I start around 2:30 a.m."

"I don't like how girls always want the guy to make the first move. Sometimes I just want to play as black."

"Did you hear about the butcher who backed up into a meat grinder? Apparently he got a little behind in his orders."

"[Interview with a time traveller] ""What's life like in the year 3000?"" It's pretty much the same as 2015 but you can download a towel"

"Nobody who does marijuana says they ""do marijuana."""

"Alcohol is the leading cause of me getting yelled at for being a pterodactyl on the coffee table."

"So the Irish are pissed... ...drunk. ... Yeah."

"Cashier's playing dumb cause I said ""venti"" at a non-Starbucks. You know what I mean, dude, just point me to the biggest dildo you guys got."

"I bought a friend of mine an elephant for his room He said thanks. I said don't mention it."