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Joke of the Day

"Cashier's playing dumb cause I said ""venti"" at a non-Starbucks. You know what I mean, dude, just point me to the biggest dildo you guys got."

"daddy's lap Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady. Mom: Well, you have done the right thing. Son: But mom, I was sitting on daddy's lap."

"""Hey is BB hungry?"" ""No BB-8."""

"What is the difference between a chihuahua humping your leg and a pit bull humping your leg? The pit bull gets to finish."

"Back in my day we didn't call meeting strangers from the Internet in random places for a weekend ""tweet ups"" we called it ""shit you dont do"""

"Oh really, Carol? It takes fewer muscles to smile than to frown? How many muscles does it take you to mind your own business"

"Knock knock. Who's there? Budweiser. Budweiser who? Budweiser your mother naked?"

"You can pick your friends, and you can pick your nose but you might not be able to do either if your hands are severely disfigured."

"Valentine man I knew him, you see, This certain young man, And that is why I saw him and ran. In the plan of the ages This tragedy is That I should be An acquaintance of his."

"A Mexican magician says to the audience: ""For my next trick, I will disappear on the count of three. Uno... Dos..."" *POOF*. And he disappeared without a tres."