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Joke of the Day

"Just learned an important lesson: When texting ""wish you were here,"" that last e kind of makes it or breaks it."

"I have a stalker now and it's super creepy. She shows up wherever I go... her house, her job, the women's restroom. I don't know what to do."

"My grandfather has the heart of a lion, ... and a lifetime ban from Edinburgh zoo."

"Did you know you can catch a bullet... But only once"

"What's the difference between a 3 figure and a 4-figure suit? 1 figure, literally and figuratively."

"You're just jealous because the voices are talking to me."

"Why did the bachelors purchase double amputee strippers for their party? Because they were 50% off!"

"What do you call 3 agnostics sitting at a bar? I don't know."

"What's black and white and red all over? After it was stuck in traffic because of protesters blocking the freeway: a police car."

"It's wildly known that all the great artists of the renaissance era loved eating pizza in sewers."