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Joke of the Day

"DAE always have that substitute teacher who didn't know anything about the subject matter? Sorry. Wrong sub."

"(guy glaring at me because he wants to use the stationary bike) *adds 72 hours to cardio workout*"

"WALGREENS PARADOX: No matter which Walgreens you go to, they will have built one closer to you before you can get there."

"Yo mama.. is so old that Steven Spielberg used her as a dinosaur consultant in Jurassic Park"

"In response to McDonald's pay with hugs campaign, Nationwide will allow you to pay for insurance with DEATH."

"I was gonna tell a pedophile joke but I always come in a little behind."

"What the difference between Australia and a glass of milk? Leave the glass of milk alone long enough and it'll develop a culture."

"I'm now on year 3 of the '7 day ab challenge'"

"So TSA took a Buzz Lightyear toy off a child... I guess they thought it would say ""To infinity... and be-bombed"""

"Thirty seven years ago, my wife walked out on me because apparently, I hold on to grudges too long. What a bitch."