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Joke of the Day

"The only difference between you and Harry Potter is that his magic wand actually works OOOOHHH BURRRRN"

"My fake ID's finally ready. Can't wait to order off the kids' menu!!"

"Where are all the women in amateur astronomy? At the other end of the telescope."

"Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered with hundreds and thousands... Police say that he topped himself."

"I hate it when I go to bed and forget to turn off my swag."

"What's the difference between Mick Jagger and a Scottish farmer? Mick Jagger says ""Hey (hey) you (you) get off of my cloud..."" the Scottish farmer says ""Hey McCloud get off of my ewe"""

"I've been reading a book called 1,000 sexual positions'. I've reached position 176 and apparently from now on I'm going to need a woman."

"What is the one thing you shouldn't do at a funeral? The corpse."

"What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? *gags*"

"I saw some things at the auction labeled ""Art Objects"" Considering what they looked like, I'd object, too"