96906

Joke of the Day

"I'm so progressive, I lock the car doors when white people walk by."

"The masseuse asked if I wanted her to finish me, I said yes & then she ripped my spine out & said ""Flawless Victory!"""

"Whats the difference between Hospitality and Business? One will help you and the other will help you be an asshole"

"I say ""do I smell popcorn"" right after I fart, so everyone takes in a deep breath."

"A termite walks into a bar... And he says, ""where is the bartender?"""

"What's a Californians favorite type of comedy? Dry humor"

"Why don't the blind bungee jump? Because it scares the fuck out of the dogs."

"SNAKE: im gonna bite you SNAKE CHARMER: u are so sexy S: wha- SC: *presses finger to lips* still wana bite me? S: *blushes* well not anymore"

"I had a winning lottery ticket but I couldn't cash it in before it expired and now I get nothing. I am *such* a Democrat."

"Who was the first person Aaron Hernandez called after the shooting? Wes Welker. Everyone knows you need a white Bronco to get away with murder."