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Joke of the Day

"Why didn't the bride and groom exchange their wedding vows? TL;DR"

"""You haven't listened to a word I've said."" Strange way for my girlfriend to start a conversation."

"""you are the only one who understands me"" i whisper to a piece of pizza."

"Can anyone recommend a few thousand books on hoarding?"

"My therapist told me ""time heals all wounds"", So I stabbed him. Now we wait..."

"Did you hear about the butcher who backed into the meat grinder? He got a little behind in his work."

"*checks watch* *gets up off toilet* I don't have time for this shit"

"As a kid, I was always scared of the dentist. He was a pedophile. You wouldn't believe the fillings he gave me."

"Is no shave November just for men? Asking for my female Italian coworker and her mustache."

"Why do white people shop from black people's yard sales? To get their stuff back."