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Joke of the Day

"Happy Birthday Ray Rice! I offered to bring punch to the party but, his wife said she already had enough."

"""She had a heart of gold."" - autopsy report"

"The longest Joke in the world... Is very long."

"BRUCE LEE: Be formless, shapeless, like water. HARPER LEE: Things are never as bad as they seem. PARSLEY: I am a stalk vegetable."

"If you have ever sat in the toilet at work and wondered how long you can sit there before someone searches for you, the answer is 47 minutes"

"Doctor says I'm not supposed to eat before falling asleep... ..but how am I suppose to eat **after** falling asleep?"

"Q: What's yellow and 1454 feet tall? A: The Empire State Banana."

"There was an episode of the Flintstones where a mechanic worked on Fred's car HEY FRED YOURE GETTING RIPPED OFF THERE IS NO ENGINE IN THERE"

"I don't feel bad for the people killed in ""Jaws"". When I know where a murderer lives, I don't go swimming in his bathtub."

"I told my boss I'm calling in sick today. He said, ""You can't do that when you're already here."" Is that true you guys?"