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Joke of the Day

"I don't feel bad for the people killed in ""Jaws"". When I know where a murderer lives, I don't go swimming in his bathtub."

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"How many cocks does it take to make your mother cry? None!"
"What do you call a kid with no arms and legs playing baseball? 2^nd base."
"Two muffins are sitting in an oven one muffin looks at the other and says ""Man its hot in here"" the other muffin looks back ans says ""Holy Shit a talking Muffin"""
"Ironically, I only know of one person with the name Common."
"Whenever somebody hits me, I yell, ""Somebody grab the pepper..."" ""...I was just as**sa**u**lt**ed!"""
"Where do cows go when they die? Burgertory"
"How many snowboarders does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Only 3: One to screw it in, another to film it, and a last one to say ""sick turns brah!"""
"[wife frantically searching the house] Have you seen the kids, I've looked everywhere [me napping on couch] OMG HOW LONG HAVE WE HAD KIDS"
"My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control. I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?"
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