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Joke of the Day
"What turns a fruit into a vegetable? AIDS."
Next Joke
"Having sex with a redditor is like reading the user license agreement. Nobody ever does it."
"Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is trying to remember what I wanted when calling in my take out order."
"One day Joaquin Phoenix will be bitten by a zombie... ...and he will be called the Joaquin Dead"
"Girls like guys who take charge: ask her out, plan a date, take a hostage, overthrow a government, nuke her ex's hometown, buy her a puppy."
"Cop: Do you know why I pulled you over? Off duty cop: No *cop gets so close their mustaches interlock like velcro* You're driving great, pal"
"My mind works like lightning. One brilliant flash and it's gone."
"If Donald Trump was Chinese, what would his name be? ...Wong."
"Is that a burrito in your pocket or are you happy to see me? I'm cool if it's a burrito."
"""Mommy, mommy, mommy, mom, mom, mommy, mom, mommy!"" -Mormon kids"