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Joke of the Day

"Pretty much the most frightening part of my day is trying to remember what I wanted when calling in my take out order."

"What happens when someone spills really hot coffee on you? You will get burned, you idiot."

"Real men don't need guns. One time I beat a burglar to death with a sleeve of Ritz crackers and used the crumblings for a casserole crust."

"What happens if you see twin witches? You won't be able to tell witch witch is witch."

"Boys are like bras.. They are cute and supportive until you use them too long and then they fall apart... ...also that's when the support ends"

"It was a pain to clean up after carrying out my fetish for the first time. But its definitely a load off my chest."

"Koi Fish always travel in groups of four That's because while the A Koi, the B Koi and the C Koi escape. The predator will always go after the D Koi"

"How do you confuse a blind person? Toss them a basketball and ask them to read it."

"ME: I propose teaching pandas to play pattycake bec- ZOOKEEPER: How do you keep getting in here? ZOO OFFICIAL: Wait. Let's hear him out."

"I've been a right-leaning man for most of my life Fuck scoliosis."