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Joke of the Day

"50% of a woman's magazine is telling you to accept yourself - you're beautiful just the way you are! The other 50% is telling you how to lose 5 lbs in a week."

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"What is the difference between a dealer and a hooker? A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again!"
"I literally use figuratively in literally every occasion where I am literally speaking figuratively."
"Black holes suck. Think about it."
"What do you a call a pedophile at church? Father"
"A man in Phoenix accidentally shot himself in the leg while in line at Walmart on Saturday. Or, as they call that in Arizona, ""taking a selfie."""
"Men shouldn't feel bad if they only last 8 minutes doing it doggy style... Because that's almost an hour in dog time..."
"Girl you make me feel like a Galaxy S7 Cause I want to explode in your pants."
"What do you call a bird of prey born in the 00's. A millennium falcon."
"Maybe we should be focussing less on Goldilocks and more on why Mama and Papa bear don't sleep in the same bed anymore."
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