96383

Joke of the Day

"When I was a kid I slept with a nightlight... to keep away monsters who were scared of small, low wattage light bulbs."

"What's the craziest type of bread? Banana Nut Bread!"

"Jam and Marmalade NSFW What's the difference between Jam and Marmalade? You can't Marmalade a cock up a girls arse"

"Redditor with a bomb EDIT: Wow, this really blew up! u/flyingscotzman u/FlyingScotzman user/flyingscotzman user/FlyingScotzman"

"If I ever lost my phone I'd rather just start a new life in another city."

"My girlfriend is half my size but takes up three quarters of the bed. If my math is correct, she's a bitch"

"[liquor store] Him: Did you see a cat in here? I know I just heard purring. Me: *looking at huge boxed wine selection* Him: Oh, it's you."

"Unless there's a new app that lets you shoot people, that phone holster looks ridiculous."

"What do you call a 6 year old with no friends? A Sandy Hook survivor."

"How many feminists does it take to screw in a light bulb? At least 7. One to screw in the bulb and the others to form a support system. They would also like you to know they're vegan."