95954

Joke of the Day

"My single friends are always talking about clubbing and being hit on. Today's social scene sounds so violent."

"If you're American, when are you not American? When European. Or when you're Russian. Any more? :)"

"Sigmund Freud walks into a... ~~breasts~~ bar"

"Why would anyone want to be a masochist? Beats me"

"""The toilet is overflowing."" -Sir Isaac Newton"

"You know what's a job I could really see myself doing? Mirror inspector."

"What did all of the birds do to the bird that couldn't fly? They ostrich-sized him"

"How do you tell the difference between a Syrian hospital and an ISIS military base? I don't know either, Johnny, just fly the drone."

"My parrot died today... I think its last words were, ""Fuck, I think my parrot is dying."""

"The world's largest egg is laid by the Ostrich... And the world's largest woman is laid by your dad."