198887

Joke of the Day

"If you were writing a TV show about politics and wrote it w/the storyline of this election people would write it off as unbelievable."

"If you ever see three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument a bank has just been robbed"

"My girlfriend might not appriciate this. Me: I've got something to tell you. Gf: Don't say that makes me anxious. Me: I've got a date. Gf: ??? Me: http://imgur.com/GeYB7xY Still to hear back from her."

"Well, I don't know how my tattoo is gonna look when I'm 60, Carol, but I know you'll be dead by then so"

"The Duggar family just announced the name of the newest addition to the family! Joe-Mo Lester"

"My Altima's name is Liam Nissan"

"Two sausages are in a frying pan One sausage turns to the other and says, ""gettin' hot in here."" The other sausage turns and says, ""holy shit a talking sausage!"""

"Some say I'm condescending It means I talk down to people."

"Why did the criminal hide in the roof? It was very Con-Ceiling."

"(Sexism warning) Yesterday a tree fell on a woman and killed her. What was a tree doing in the kitchen?"