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Joke of the Day

"When I say ""I'm broke"" I don't mean I have $0. It means I have responsibilities to take care of before wastin' money on dumb stuff. Merica."

"An Italian man with spells of amnesia goes into a boutique coffee shop... The barista asked what he wants, and he replies ""Affogato""."

"What do you call a vampire that drinks period blood? Cunt Dracula."

"There's a theory that Princess Diana had dandruff. They found her head and shoulders in the dashboard."

"We got a tornado warning, and I'm too scared to open my windows. Don't want any sharks in my house."

"What show depicts a new pair of Jordons getting ruined? African American Horror Story"

"There is no law stating that you have to explain why you're carrying a purse full of hair when going through security."

"What do you call an easy lifestyle revolving around eating Chinese food? Lo Meintenance"

"Remember when AOL was the shit? Then it sucked. Myspace was the shit. Then sucked. Facebook was the shit. Then sucked. Twitter is the shit!"

"After the Thanksgiving dinner, everyone says (-1)/8"