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Joke of the Day

"I wouldn't do well in war because the bravest thing I've ever done was post an Instagram photo with no filter."

"There are 2 cats. One is called ""One Two Three"" and the other is called ""Un Deux Trois"", which is the best at swimming? ""One Two Three"" obviously. Because ""Un Deux Trois"" cat sank"

"I feel like I forgot something today... ...shit, *the oven!*"

"What did Mick Jagger say when he walked in on Hugh Hefner in bed with Dennis Weaver? He said ""Hey Hey Hugh Hugh Get Off Of McCould"""

"Oh, Fox News! LOL! You wacky, bigoted fucks!"

"Definition of a Masochist... *Definition of a Masochist:* ***""Beat me! Beat me!""*** *Definition of a Sadist:* ***""No!""***"

"What is the worst part about being a black jew? You have to sit in the back of the oven."

"Fred! What did I say I'd do if I found you with your fingers in the butter again? That's funny Mom. I can't remember either."

"The Titanic is a great lesson of why just the tip can get you in a lot of trouble."

"Me: I like that... Me: *looks at price tag* .... Me: I don't like that anymore."