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Joke of the Day
"Why did the Italian miss his dinner? It'a was'a pasta his bed time"
Next Joke
"Remember, you are faster and trickier than they are. - Me, to myself, when I'm fighting a kid at the playground for the last swing."
"Not sure if the bulb for my check engine light finally burned itself out or if my car magically fixed itself, but I'm going with the latter"
"I always found the movie ""The Exorcist"" confusing... It made my head spin."
"The way I deal with my drinking problems is every time I want a drink I go to the gym. They have a bar there."
"If I consider you a friend, I'll be there for you. With an ear, a shoulder, a drill, a shovel, an alibi - whatever you need to feel better."
"Which white dude probably had the biggest dick? Michael Jackson"
"Wife to her Husband Wife to her husband: ""I told you I'll be back in five minutes, so why you are calling me every half an hour?"""
"What element can combine with two nitrogens and an oxygen, and still have there be only one element? XeNON."
"Paranoid? I don't even know what that word means. I don't have time to learn new words, people are trying to kill me."