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Joke of the Day

"I feel like I'm not getting the full experience of a gas station bathroom if I don't cut and dye my hair and change my identity."

"Nothing's sadder than the look on my dog's face when I reach under the kitchen table to pet her and she realizes my hand is empty."

"Horse buying tip: ALWAYS ask how much horsepower a horse has. If a horse is less than one horsepower, you've got yourself a crap horse."

"How do we get rid of Ebola? Put all the infected on a Malaysian Airplane"

"I decided not to invest in that seafood processing plant... ...something smelled fishy."

"How many programmers does it take to change a lightbulb? None, that's a hardware issue."

"Why does Barbie never get pregnant? Because Ken always comes in a different box."

"I make terrible science jokes... ...but only periodically."

"I was born to be a pessimist. My blood type is B Negative."

"How many people does it take to screw in a lightbulb? Just two, but they'd have to be really small."