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Joke of the Day

"How is a pirate like a trumpet player? They both murder on the high C's."

"Are you into fitness? How about fitness' cock in your mouth"

"My parents taught me that if I tried hard I could be anything I wanted to be. Sure they just meant for Halloween, but it was still nice."

"Why doesn't barbie have any kids?"

"<at a baptism> *leans over* Me:What's the WiFi password? Him:Jesus Christ, dude! Me:That makes sense....is it case sensitive?"

"I got kicked out of the army yesterday. They called it a dishonorable discharge.... ....i call it jizzing over the generals face whilst he was asleep."

"I've waited long to say this. I think we should all gift watches to the folks at /r/trees. It's high time."

"What's the difference between a seagull and a baby? The seagull flits along the shore, the baby shits along the floor."

"This salad tastes like I'm about done with my New Year's Resolution."

"What do you call a group of Mexicans doing work? Manuel labour."