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Joke of the Day

"Somebody asked if I wanted some salt. I was like ""Naaaaa"""

"What's the difference between anal and oral sex? Oral sex makes your day. Anal makes your hole weak."

"Wow, where did you learn to be so good at sex?! I was home schooled"

"The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%"

"Guinea Pig When I was five years old, my teacher asked me if I wanted to take the school guinea pig home. Seven months later, I arrived in the African republic of Guinea."

"My pregnant wife just confessed she listens to R&B I'm uncertain if I should break up with her in text or just let her figure it out."

"If you're meeting someone, get to the place early so you'll have a few minutes to kick back and repeatedly text, ""Where are you"""

"I thought about logging into Myspace, but the Delorean is in the shop."

"*ex GF pulls up to drive thru where I work* ""Big mac please"" ""Would u like LIES with that?!"" *my boss dragging me away* ""LIES, LUCY.. LIES!"""

"So I was at the bar the other night exchanging pleasantries with an attractive woman. She said she would like to read my palm... Okay! She takes my hand and asks... ""Do you come here often?"""